Bangalore Trip Part II

Originally posted on Yahoo 360, Sunday April 9, 2006 - 01:54am IST)

A little trivia before the main note, I had written this on my train journey back to Hyderabad from Bangalore, the date was 26th Mar 2006. That I was frustrated would be an understatement. She has ditched me and I had to get my anger out somewhere. So, I started writing on a piece of paper, that the attendant gave me, with a borrowed pen. A little disclaimer as well, this blog doesn’t suggest my actual feelings Vis a Vis the trip and the girl, I was low and I wrote whatever came out. And yeah, if you want to know who this girl is and if you want to know the good side of the story, I have another blog on the stove.

I don’t know if my Bangalore trip can be called a success, I don’t know if I did the right thing in going there to meet a girl whom I had known for hardly twenty days. And I don’t know why am I writing this, for I am not one of those diary writers. I am feeling low, but should I be? Wasn’t the original plan to meet on Saturday and then bye, cya later. Am I demanding? Did I overcook it somewhere down the line?

I had my doubts; I had my bouts of confusion, whether or not to be on this trip. I mean, was it worth that. Was the girl worth it? For some reasons, I never made a trip from Ranchi to Dhanbad. So, why did I go? I know that she and me are just friends (don’t want to put any adjectives here, as after today, I don’t know where I stand), we cant be much more than that. I mean, we can never be the good old classic boyfriend-girlfriend. I know my limitations, I know my boundaries. And I think, she pretty much knows that as well.

Last night, I confessed to Ripple that had I found this girl three years down the line, I could have married her then and there. Maybe, I was high. Ten glasses of beer aint a joke.

May be I dreamt a bit too far, may be I overcooked it there. Maybe my expectations demanded fuel my existence cannot afford. Or maybe, my priorities are different. And yeah, that’s what I told Ripple. I told her that I want to do my MBA. And perhaps, I aint that mature enough. Maybe…..

So, how do you rate the trip? How does she look? How are her assets? Was there any chemistry between you and her? These are the typical questions my friends will ask. And my answer will be a small, wry smile. That’s it. I never feel strongly for things, I never will. I would mention how I managed to get her out of that movie theatre though, because that was one of the highpoints of my brief, shaky rendezvous with her. I emphasize on brief, because with her brother around most of the time, I never felt like myself. Maybe, I am a choker. I always felt like I was meeting her under a close surveillance, with deep cunning eyes prying. Measuring all my moves. Still, those two and a half hours, may be three that we spent alone were awesome. My heart say, yeah she is a nice lady. But my mind says, wait, get your facts correct. Did her brother stick around because he didn’t want to leave his sister, or may be she purposely brought him along. I don’t know if I will get this mystery solved, I will not even try. What’s the use?

But yeah, she was a good company whenever it was just two of us. And yeah, she did care about me when her brother was around, seeing that I was lost in a world of my own. And yeah, she did try to make me comfortable. But aren’t all women leg spinners! You would think, ok, this is gonna be another good old leg break, surprise surprise, it was a googlee that crashed into your stumps. Maybe she was. Maybe not. It’s again the question of whom you want to listen to, heart or mind.

We met, we had fun, we parted ways, and then I had fun. Mugs and mugs of beer through, I was relaxed. I was on high. I remembered, we had planned we will meet the next day.

She didn’t. She might have her own reasons. I though felt fucked. For those two and half hours, she sang like a canary, changing her tune every now and then. Ok, I am coming. Sorry, I can’t make it. I am on my way. I have lost my way. Bullshit. I mean, its ok to ditch a guy. So many girls effortlessly do that. Perfectly acceptable.

What’s the problem then? Why are you pissed? Didn’t she make a complete ass of me in front of my friend? Poor old Suchit. Thanks pal for your support and thanks for understanding me.

How do you feel now? Relaxed, calm, still a bit frustrated though. No problems, just take it in your stride. Don’t remember this trip for what you missed/lost, no point, remember it for what you got. Those three hours, a good company, a good friend………